Resilience
Our ability to not only survive through adversity, but to thrive, to grow, to strengthen, and to help others.
Don’t take it personally
Conflict and criticism hits at the heart of a compassionate soul. Many a wonderful person has been brought to tears and abandoned their chosen path because they allowed criticism to control their reactions.
It is not your critics who are responsible for your feelings, but you. Your tendency to self-deprecate and self-loath is fed by the criticism of others. Your need for perfection within yourself is sabotaging your life. You are human, everyone makes mistakes, accept imperfection, learn from adversity, and move on.
Language Please!
The language you use determines the outcome for yourself and for others. Practice frequent and discrete non-violent communication at all times, both at work and in your personal life. Open and honest language not only encourages others to support you, but also safely lets people know when to back off. Speak up before emotion takes control.
When I see that______________
I feel ______________
because my need for ________________ is/is not met.
Would you be willing to __________________?
Communicating in this way demonstrates strength to stand up for your needs and insight into your safe limits. Frequently communicating in this way reduces the build up of anxiety within yourself and sets the foundations for developing your confidence and competence in you practice.
Healthy Choices
Resilience is reliant on a healthy mind and body. Being energetic and motivated provides you with the momentum to push through hardship and clear the hurdles. The mind functions better when you exercise regularly and eat healthy.
Beware the perils of “comfort” eating. Mood is lowered when you consume excessive sugar, fats, and alcohol. They feel good when you consume them, but they undermine your mental resilience in the medium and longer term.
The Australian College of Nursing is running a NurseStrong program in 2019 to join nurses all over Australia to help each other become fitter and healthier. Sign up for a free calendar!
Adaptability
Survival of the fittest isn’t about being the fastest or the strongest, it is about being able to adapt to our environment. Adaptability is the difference between flourishing and extinction. Dr Shimi Kang, a paediatric psychiatrist, has developed a way of developing resilience in children that is equally applicable to all of us. It has three components:
Play - stimulates pathways for abstract thinking, emotional regulation, problem solving and strategy. It helps us deal with uncertainty and how we adapt. It grows our passion.
Others - meaningful social bonding, our connection to something beyond ourselves is why we adapt. It provides us with purpose.
Downtime - when we adapt. rest and relaxation improves our focus, memory and concentration. It gives us balance.
embrace vulnerability
Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and have flaws in our personality and abilities. We may be surrounded by people who may seek to harm us because of our imperfections, and this is frightening for us. The fear of being punished for our flaws leads us to become numb to our emotions, the good emotions as well as the bad.
It is our imperfections though that make us beautiful, lovable, and relatable. When we accept our flaws and deal positively with them we become authentic, trustworthy, and respected. We need to accept our flaws and mistakes and love ourselves because of them.
Dr Brené Brown has researched vulnerability and shame and has developed ways that we can embrace our vulnerability to become leaders and achievers in our lives.
Develop the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to forgive yourself, the clarity to see the good in ourselves, and the integrity to own our actions.
Building Resilience
Dr Lucy Hone is a researcher in wellbeing and resilience, and recently presented her three steps to developing resilience at TEDxChristchurch.
Accept that bad stuff happens to everyone, no-one is entitled to a perfect life.
Choose carefully where you direct your attention. Focus on what you can change, accept what you can’t. Write down three good things that happen to you each day and make a deliberate, intentional effort to acknowledge and respond to positive experiences.
Ask if your thoughts or your actions are helping or hurting you. Refocus your attention and priorities to the thoughts, actions and experiences that are helpful to yourself or to others.